I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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