well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
