laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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