dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize