You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
