on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
