Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
