Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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