I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
