There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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