im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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