Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
