Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
