I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
