I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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