One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
