i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
