so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
