Screwed.edu
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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