what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
