I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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