guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
