Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
