i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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