Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
