Sorry, I don't speak sober.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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