There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
