Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
