is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize