you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
