My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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