I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
