I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
