I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
