I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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