DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
