I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I want is dick and wine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
