So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
