Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
