got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
