his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
