My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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