Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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