John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize