Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
