Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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