what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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