I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
