He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
