I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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