i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
