Screwed.edu
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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