Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
