At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
