even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
