I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
