My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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