Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
