You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
