I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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