i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
