This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
