I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
