sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
