Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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