The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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