I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
