I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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